


The Heiress's New Groove

by mercurialHekate



Series: Janey Bear Matron Extraordinaire [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, bit of a slow burn innit, tags will update as this updates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:27:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25439950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercurialHekate/pseuds/mercurialHekate
Summary: Can't exactly pull a redemption out of your pocket if it's loaded with cash. Sometimes we learn best doing it the hard way.
Relationships: Dad Crocker & Jane Crocker, Jane Crocker & Nannasprite, Jane Crocker & Roxy Lalonde, Jane Crocker/Jasprosesprite
Series: Janey Bear Matron Extraordinaire [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1843105
Comments: 11
Kudos: 39
Collections: The JaneJasprose Jam!





	1. dismissal heard around the world

**Author's Note:**

> Each chapter will start with chapter-specific content warnings. CW: Alcohol use mentions; for mobile users: a large ass image that might fuck up the screen (sorry about that) - the image has a transcript underneath

CROCKERCORP HEIRESS POSSIBLY FIRED FROM HER OWN CORPORATION

HUMAN KINGDOM - On July 6, 5021, Earth C's largest conglomerate Crockercorp had announced some structural changes as part of its public quarterly reviews, but may have lied about certain details.

The speech was conducted by freshly appointed acting Crockercorp chairman Jace Legatte, who announced that not only would Crockercorp be registered as a quasi-closed conglomerate from an open corporation, but that previous board of directors chairman and one of the planet's living deities Jane Crocker would not be following them into this new quarter.

Legatte claimed that Ms. Crocker, physically 21 and still very immortal, had stepped down willingly and gave no definitive reason aside from a vague "personal life problems."

However, today on July 21, 5021, an anonymous employee of Crockercorp Headquarters located in the Human Kingdom leaked private emails of Crockercorp board of director members to our news staff that suggested there may have been foul play afoot concerning the dismissal of Ms. Crocker.

Here is a line from an email sent on July 1, 5021 at 16:13 from email address mercurialHekate@cmail.com, "Speaking of your pain in the ass, I heard you guys dropped the ball on her today, how did that go?" Which was sent to email address syndicatedScion@pchoo.com.

There are more emails to sort through, as the information was rather heavily encrypted. The Hornographer is doing everything it can to update this article as the information is available. Go to our website www.hornographer.com for further coverage as the digital version of this article will be updated as the information rolls out. If the article cannot be found immediately, look underneath our "Crockercorp" topics page. You can also type in www.hornographer.com/crockercorp. Visiting us will also allow you to sign up for email notifications for updating articles.

In the meantime, to any readers less economically savvy, let's explain some terms. A corporation is a business entity that serves one sector of the market, whereas a conglomerate will have its hands in several sectors, usually divided up as independent corporations or LLCs that are then owned by the conglomerate. A parent type relationship, if you would, where the conglomerate has the final say in every decision. This allows Crockercorp to expand its horizons, establishing Crockercorp LLC as the conglomerate owning Crockercorp the baking corporation and future associates.

Recall, Crockercorp was an open corporation - where its stock was public and any citizen could own a portion of the company, however its board of directors have decided to transition to a quasi-closed corporation. QCs are just normal closed corporations where stock is no longer public, however, there are less restrictions placed on who now gets to own existing stock when working as a QC as opposed to closed. Essentially, all Crockercorp stock and business decisions will happen behind closed and unchecked doors.

Though Crockercorp did not reveal who would still hold stock in the company, it can be implied that only members of the board of directors and affiliates had remained, with Legatte's comment about placing Crockercorp in the hands of "trustworthy professionals" in his speech from the July 6 report.

Any citizens who owned Crockercorp stock and were forced to sell it were reportedly reimbursed rather well, the exact figures unavailable at this time, but no one has made any public complaint or filed any claims against Crockercorp as of this time.

If you're curious about any other details, the Hornographer's analysis of Crockercorp's quarterly report is available both in last week's edition and on our website which, again, is www.hornographer.com. Remember to search through our Crockercorp tag or type in www.hornographer.com/crockercorp. We wouldn't be here without our loyal readership, your support means the world to us.

You place your mug back down on its coaster, your 3rd cup this morning. You chuck the newspaper across the table, needing the elbow space to rub meaningfully at your temples. Somewhere behind the migraine your dad asks if you’d like another cup. You mutter something like a “please” and then grumble a “thank you” as you shove your head into your arms. This damn kitchen light is too fucking bright. 

He reprimands you about your language but there’s no bite to it as he goes to turn off the light above the table and swipe up your empty cup. You hope your guttural throat noises are sufficient enough of an apology. He takes it either way.

The old man asks what your plan for today is. Ugh. You definitely don’t need this right now. Even if he’s just trying to be helpful.

JANE: Well I have a five o’clock appointment with that rum and coke bottled mix in the fridge, but until then I’m free.

He mentions that you haven’t checked on your garden in a few days. You huff and roll your eyes. Fine, fine whatever. You ask for another half hour to mope before he kicks you out of the kitchen. He obliges of course, setting your final coffee of the day in front of you, ruffling your hair before walking out to the living room.

You turn your head towards the clock. 11:12 AM. God _where_ does the time go anymore? You woke up around 8:30 and have stayed up since but you certainly don’t remember the last 3 hours. You can already hear your friends teasing you about “joining the night owl club.” Little did those bozos know that the key to being a morning person was to have a legally-binding contractual obligation that pushed against your natural sleep habits. You have to admit even in your lowest point that having slow mornings is sort of nice. 

It doesn’t matter though, you’re having the crisis of your life. Fuck slow mornings, you just lost your job! Your whole career down the fucking drain! You don’t even want to talk about it that shit is so embarrassing you feel nauseous thinking about it, but you can’t stop yourself from thinking about it. Pulling it apart, see where you misstepped, your own stupid fumbling playing on loop every time you close your eyes. At this rate you’re going to need to be unconscious.

Oh whatever, there’s no point in wallowing in your own pity. You pull yourself up and stretch. You’re a go-getter, a stubborn businesswoman who knows what she wants and how to get it. You snatch up your mug and head out to the garden.

THE HEIRESS’S NEW GROOVE


	2. what you reap (this tea party doesn't even have any tea)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no content warnings for this chapter!! illustration courtesy of [@tomatograter](https://twitter.com/tomatograter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GIVING MANY HUGS AND KISSES TO [@tomatograter](https://twitter.com/tomatograter) !!!!! CANNOT THANK THEM ENOUGH! FOR THE WONDERFUL ILLUSTRATION! HE IS ALSO ON [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tomatograter/pseuds/Tomatograter) !!! HE DOES THE VERY EPIC [DON JUAN MANLET KING](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19840849/chapters/46982461) AN ODE TO JAKE ENGLISH. FROM ONE REPRESSED PROSPIT ALPHA KID TO ANOTHER, DJMK DESERVES ALL THE LOVE IT RECEIVES <3

Jesus the sun is even worse than your dingy kitchen light. Although you’re one of those cool people who have transition lenses, you still squint with the ferocity of someone toked out of their mind.

Slowly trudging through the yard you pass your boxes of assorted summer foods. Tomatoes, squash, pepper, you know the drill. They look quite alright despite not having watered in the last few days. Sort of weird but you chalk it up to your dad picking up your slack as usual. Actually, you do a double take, they look like they’ll be ready to harvest within a day or so. Again, sort of weird, as you planted these rather late into the season - you know what with being a busy go-getter businesswoman and all - you estimated they wouldn’t see fruition for at least another week. Hey, maybe your Life powers are good for something other than stitching up your friend’s head.

You arrive at the gazebo in the center of it all. Courtesy of Crockercorp upon your return to Earth C, a sort of house warming gift even though you never actually moved to a new home, but a gift is a gift you suppose. The outside shelter is all white with faded red shingles and trimming. The chairs are also white, with red cushions embroidered with the Crockercorp fork, and a matching red table. As upset as you are, the fact that the table mimics a giant fork is still really cute.

JANE: …

Fuck those guys.

You carefully place your mug on the not cute fork table before throwing yourself into a seat. Etiquette be damned, you think as you swing your feet over the side of the rattan chair. Oh yeah, you forgot you were wearing your Crockercorp slippers. Ugh. You kick them off unceremoniously, leaning your head back and closing your eyes. Just another 5 minutes and then you’ll force yourself to pull out the old gloves and clippers.

NANNASPRITE: Pardon the intrusion.  
JANE: AH!

In your scrambling you fall to the floor, slamming your shoulder into the fake wood. FUCK.

NANNASPRITE: Are you alright dear?

You glance up at her and scowl. She’s concerned alright but the mischievous glint in her eye doesn’t escape your notice. You rub into your forehead to ease the revival of your migraine before pushing yourself back into your chair, sitting normally this time. You're hunched over, forearms on your thighs, before you go to correct yourself in case _yourself_ makes any comments.

JANE: I’m fine. Thank you for the concern.  
NANNASPRITE: Are you sure about that? It’s almost noon and you’re still lying about in your night clothes. :B

These guys just can’t seem to leave you alone today.

JANE: They’re old and worn. I may as well get dirty in them out here.  
NANNASPRITE: Oh you’re working in the garden! It’s such a lovely day for it.  
JANE: Mhm.  
NANNASPRITE: Would you like any help? Or perhaps I can whip you up a proper meal as an incentive to finishing your work quickly. Your father tells me you haven't been eating right this last week. He's going out with Nanna 1 for the day so it'll just be the two of us until late this evening.  
JANE: Hmm.

You paw around in your dim brain looking for the light switch. You’re pretty sure Nanna 1 came from the same doomed timeline as Roxy; Nanna 2 is “your Nannasprite,” whatever that means.

NANNASPRITE2: Jane?  
JANE: Hm?  
NANNASPRITE2: Waiting for the captain's orders!  
JANE: Oh, sorry.  
JANE: Um.  
JANE: I don’t really have an answer for you. Whatever you feel up to the task, I suppose.  
NANNASPRITE2: Hoohoohoo! If that’s the case, let me make this my opportunity.  
JANE: Wha-

If you’re walking towards the gazebo from the back door, you would notice a small but sturdy brown shed to the back right of the gazebo. It miraculously survived interdimensional transportation alongside your house, and the two of you didn’t have the heart to replace it. Or at least you won’t until it decays beyond usability. Inside it now sits fatherly tools of miscellaneous use from a long dead civilization and, more recently, your gardening equipment. You bought some supplies a summer or so ago when Jade invited you to tag along as an extra pair of hands for some newly synthesized crops in her greenhouse.

Nannasprite2’s detached arm runs over to you, yanking the back of your chair, dragging it until it’s in front of the shed. Actually, throwing would be more apt - the chair leaving the ground at times. You feel like a sack of potatoes.

JANE: Hey!

A familiar rough manhandling from omnipotent forces. It didn’t really hurt, especially compared to your earlier fall. You shift to sit properly ( _once more_ , you're quick to tack on), absolutely discombobulated from it all.

NANNASPRITE2: Alright dearie, you’ve forced my hand.

The hand waves at you before flying back to its owner.

NANNASPRITE2: We’ve been keeping an eye on you, and you’ve done nothing but make seedy decisions. You’re not in any trouble, but you’re in need of an intervention. However, before we get there, what you need is a good kick in the ass.  
JANE: Excuse me? You aren’t my mo-  
NANNASPRITE2: You heard me, whippersnapper, listen up. You have done nothing but mope and weep around in your undergarments for a whole fortnight now. Crying may be good for the soul, but you wallow in it and make yourself feel worse after a certain point. How does that solve anything?  
JANE: ...  
NANNASPRITE2: Not to mention what you’re even crying over! Hardly worth your time, honestly. Really, it’s a poison for your soul and for this planet. Maybe this was a good twist of fate.  
JANE: (Boohoohoo).  
NANNASPRITE2: Jane?

You feel like you’re on fire - you can hardly breath, there’s something wet on your face but you don’t know if it’s tears, snot, or saliva. _All of the above_ , you decide as you shove your face toward your knees.

JANE: Can you hear me now? I said BOOHOOHOO!  
JANE: I don’t know what to think. I'm terribly upset!! Everything is going to hell in a handbasket and I don’t know what to fucking _think_ anymore.  
JANE: My career is ruined and I’ve become the goddamn laughing stock of the world, how am I supposed to rebound when I won’t be able to show my face for the next millenia?  
JANE: I don’t even have my friends anymore! My life is ruined! Boohoohoo.  
NANNASPRITE2: What makes you say any of that?  
JANE: …That’s just how adulthood works, it happens to everyone.  
NANNASPRITE2: Dear, your support system is a garden. You need to invest time and energy in order to get the most of it.  
JANE: *Sniff*.  
NANNASPRITE2: Jane, it’s not the end of the world. Not this time at least, hoohoohoo! Life will always throw curveballs at you, but as long as you’re still alive, you can always rebound and come back better than ever.

You stay quiet, sniffling away, rubbing your face on your shirt’s collar. You’re so tired, you don’t think you could move your pinky, let alone fix your life. A sigh escapes you, feeling how drained you truly are, and have been.

NANNASPRITE2: Besides, even if you got a chance, every one of those achievements you would have collected would be undermined by its means of acquisition. And it’s not like you carved this path, you’ve been sitting at the end, waiting for someone to hand you a medal for something you didn’t even work fo-  
JANE: But I _did_ work for it wh-  
NANNASPRITE2: Inheritance and deification do not qualify you.  
JANE: …  
NANNASPRITE2: In addition, that sort of evil will continue to stomp on others in order to line its own pockets, and you would have been a contributor and a beneficiary. Founded by a witch and maintained by greedy bastards, is that the legacy you wish to uphold?  
JANE: …

You drag your foot across the dirt. You’re still barefoot from earlier. The ground is warm. The sod stopped at the gazebo, everything else behind it to the fence was more barren. Earth not turf.

JANE: Alright.  
NANNASPRITE: Hm?

A _crack_ and a _pop_ later, you’ve begun to move the chair back in its spot, passing Nannasprite2.

JANE: This garden won’t prune itself, we have some hands to get dirty.  
JANE: Though, I do have some gloves in the shed, if you don’t mind grabbing me a pair.  
NANNASPRITE2: Of course, dearie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AGAIN I CANNOT THANK [@TOMATOGRATER](https://twitter.com/tomatograter) ENOUGH FOR THE ILLUSTRATION!!! Please check them out on [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tomatograter/pseuds/Tomatograter)  
> hang out with me on twitter [@mercurialHekate](https://twitter.com/mercurialHekate)


	3. [I]: flashbang flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No content warnings.

LEGATTE: "... Sincerely, Jane Crocker.  
LEGATTE: Vice Chair."  
LEGATTE: Now, we have some additional paperwork that you'll be needing to sign, on top of adding your signature to this resignation.  
LEGATTE: After that, we'll handle everything else and you'll be able to clean your hands!  
LEGATTE: Any questions?  
CROCKER: Um…

A glance around the room. 16 eyes and not a single pair was affable.

CROCKER: Not at this moment.  
LEGATTE: Great! And with that, you have the rest of today's scheduled shift to clean out your office. After 5 your building access card will deactivate so…

Jace Legatte gives a lazy wave of his hand. A pointed look hidden in the smile paired with it.

LEGATTE: I recommend you finish everything before then.

Jane Crocker looks down at the various papers the CEO slid over to her. Within the same breath she pops back up. Eye contact is paramount.

CROCKER: May I give these a look over?  
LEGATTE: Haven't you already? In fact…

The acting chairman trails off to survey his fellow board members.

LEGATTE: I believe you had given us a verbal acknowledgement that you reviewed all relevant documents prior to this meeting for the purpose of making it as quick and easy as possible for all parties involved.

He rolls a pen across the table in her direction.

LEGATTE: Quick and easy.

She picks it up, tapping the back of it lightly against the mahogany table in a continuous manner before choosing her next words.

CROCKER: We did.  
CROCKER: I did.  
CROCKER: However, I believe it would be in our best interest to allow a final look over.  
CROCKER: A sort of reaffirmation of… 

A falter. A fuck up. A bit of advice to every white collar: never provide an opening. He doesn't waste a breath - sinks his teeth into the pause's jugular.

LEGATTE: Of what? What's been bound to transpire? To delay the inevitable?  
LEGATTE: Ms. Crocker, I am a patient man, but every man has his limits. We have already secured this discussion's ending. That's why we're requesting a signature now.  
LEGATTE: The conversation is over.  
CROCKER: …  
CROCKER: Right.

A couple of assistants, passing by the room's entrance, could be heard in all their merriment, masking the scratching of a pen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tiny tiny tiny tidbits

**Author's Note:**

> updates will be god willing and slow as hell, youve been warned. im on twitter [@mercurialHekate](https://twitter.com/mercurialHekate)


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